I last posted a cute but offensive post titled, “Honesty is the best policy”.

Any readers may have thought, “this guy is a Christian?!?” “He is just trying to rock the boat.”

Honesty is something that I am not very good with. Honesty is easy to fake.

I am not here to tell you that you need to be more honest. I’m sure that’s bad grammar. That too.

I am not going to defend the previous post either because you as a reader and I as a writer have better things to do with my time.

But, I did leave the post and had various thoughts about what people would think. And the more I think about it the more I don’t care.

One of those little sayings that have been drilled into my head for so long comes to mind. Actions speak louder than words.

Thoughts of my previous actions. Thoughts of my dishonesty. Thoughts of me getting mad at those who have judged me. Thoughts of NOT being able to fake “it” with God. Thoughts of my words speaking louder than my actions.

These are my demons.

I am doing my best to be honest right now at 10:20pm on May 28th, 2009. Not so that you think of me as a stellar person. But because I know it’s the healthy thing to do. Physically, mentally, and spiritually.

Tomorrow I am taking a step. A step that my Creator has been telling me to take for a long time. I have been scared of this step. But not now.

My family and I leave in 6 hours to fly to Costa Rica. Not for vacation. I honestly see it as the biggest job interview of my life.

But what if I am honest? I mean completely honest. Will everything that I want to come true happen?

Essentially, we will become “missionaries” if we take this step. My dreams and hopes of how I believe I would best be suited as a missionary, is possible within this venue in Costa Rica.

Right now I know without any doubt God wants us in a Spanish speaking culture. Right now I do not fear these plans.

What I fear is God. I fear myself. I fear that I might chicken out. Right now it’s up to me.

This guy informed that “fear means that I am stepping out of the boat onto water.”

This clicked. It makes sense.

I have been reading the last few books of the Old Testament lately. Books that unless you go to a Bible church, you are unlikely to hear someone preach/teach from.

What I have taken from these books is that God’s people had been making the same mistakes that I have over and over as well. Not listening to him!

Fear is good. If, you are pursuing intimacy with God. Think about. It’s what you do with that fear that puts you in God’s grace.

I guarantee Abraham was scared s-less when God told him to sacrifice his son Isaac. I know Noah thought about what others thought of him concerning this thing called a ark. Joseph and Job had to have questioned why God’s will wasn’t enjoyable. Hosea undoubtedly thought God was crazy when he was told to marry an adulterous women. Jonah ended up in a fish because he didn’t fear God. Micah feared God so much that he ran around barefoot and naked mourning for the wrath of Israel.  The guys in the back of the OT from Hosea to Malachi were all instructed to put the smack down on the Israelites. They were to tell the people honestly of their direct disobedience of God. Basically it was one man after another trying create change within an entire country!

I am done with running. I am so scared to not follow through with God’s plan for my life.

Happiness is only found through God. I truly believe this now.

Tomorrow is going to be an incredible day for us. We are so ready to move and begin His work.

If you pray, please pray for us. If you don’t, please hope for us.

Check back because I will be detailing this adventure as we go.

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