I hate guilt. Guilt kept me from sleeping last night. I sinned. I directly and indirectly sinned at the same time. Before I actually “sinned” I knew it was going to happen. I haven’t told my wife and she knows nothing about until she reads this. Last night I held my daughter longer than usual on my lap in hopes of comforting myself.

This morning nothing’s changed. I still feel guilty. I still feel ashamed.

Last night at the Y, I ran into a coworker. A coworker who I have always wanted to be able to have a conversation with. A coworker who I have a couple things in common with. He’s an atheist. He was an orphan. I relate to his present and past background very easily.

The conversation was never generated. I failed. I sinned. I lied. Now guilt ensues.