I have always felt that I need to focus on lengthening the time between sins. I thought if I am able to prolong this time frame, then naturally the less I will be sinning. The length of this period doesn’t matter. It doesn’t. The more I have thought about this the more I realize how wrong this attempt is. In my mind, the purpose of increasing this “sinless” time frame isn’t so I will sin less but it is simply an attempt for me to say “Look at me, look at me!”

I don’t want to sin, at least until I do sin. Because, like you, I have the ability to refrain from sinning. But when I do sin I have no body else to blame. I wish I could blame you and believe me I probably have but in this moment I realize my sin equals my fault.

That first sin is what has caused my mess. I wish I could remember what I did. But then I guess it doesn’t matter, I can remember 5 minutes ago. That first sin is all that matters when it comes to my sinful life. Because of that one sin, I am not equal to God. I am not worthy. I was lost. Because of that fist sin, I will always be in between sins.

But thank God for His son and the word but. But the gift of God saved my life! And thank God for Charlie Hall’s song Marvelous Light. I have been playing it over and over. Screaming and yelling it as I pound my chest.

Sin has lost its power,
death has lost its sting.
From the grave you’ve risen